I read this on Instapundit today.
Hannah was prompted to make her video after working out near a “really attractive” man for almost an hour, saying she tried to make eye contact with him.
“The whole time I was working out I was like, ‘This guy’s really attractive, I want to talk to him’. How the f**k do you do that, though?” she said.
“I felt like I kept looking over but he never looked at me. Never caught on once looking at me, so I couldn’t accidentally catch eyes with him.”
Well, that’s your problem. Staring at someone you find attractive, but not having the self-confidence to approach him, is the very essence of a Strategy That Is NOT Going to Work.
I realize that I’ve been married a long time (it will be 50 years next January - and, yes, it’s to the same man), but although the culture has changed, the human nature has not.
What I mean by that is - humans have the same instinctual desire to mate, befriend, and associate with other humans. We are largely a social species, more comfortable living and working with others.
Oh, sure, an occasional hermit type might crop up now and then. They’re an evolutionary dead end - they neither bond with others, nor pass on their genes. Their influence might attract others to emulate their way of life - Catholic religious life has always had those who preferred to associate only with God in the quiet of their solitary home. But, they still don’t procreate.
But, but, but - what about all those Sheldon-types (I refer to the comic character created by Jim Parsons, the actor whose brilliant performance on the Big Bang Theory was largely responsible for the success of the show). That’s no reflection on the other actors in the series - it was truly an ensemble cast of stellar actors.
What many people don’t realize is that the character of Dr. Sheldon Cooper DID want to have some friends, he just wanted to interact with them at HIS discretion. And, making friends is no easy task for someone as socially inept as he was shown to be.
The woman in the link (Hannah) is not completely unlike Sheldon - she would LIKE to connect with men, but has no idea how that might be accomplished.
I DO know how to do that.
Now, a little background:
I was a shy kid, with a few intense friendships, but little experience in new situations. As a result, after I moved several times in my childhood, I experienced some isolation and my social awkwardness made the process of connecting with new people difficult.
It wasn’t until after I graduated from high school that I began to crack the process for making a social connection.
It was desperation on my part. I was working in a nearly all-female environment. A long-time friend from high school wanted to try out a new club for Catholic Young Adults. She didn’t want to show up alone, so I was voluntold to be her Wing Woman.
She became a part of the club, although it never became a huge part of her life. I actually had a boyfriend at the time (our relationship was limited to times when he was not working, working out, or studying), but I had a lot of free time, so I went along to several of the events. In time, I learned more about social connections than I’d ever learned before.
The most important part of the plan - don’t try to pick up men. Instead, use that proximity to draw them out about what interests them.
So, in Hannah’s case, she might ask about equipment she hadn’t used before. People love to share their expertise, and, in the process of talking to him, she could volunteer her name (which usually results in getting his name). Don’t openly flirt or angle for a romantic connection. Just thank him for his help, and - when back in the gym, smile and nod when you see him.
Don’t be afraid to talk to other men in the gym. The goal is NOT seducing them, but just low-key interaction.
Also ask other women about their experience with good workouts for whatever Hannah’s goal is - fitness, a particular sport, losing weight, whatever. Again, her goal is to just establish a connection as a friendly person, who is NOT pushy. Friendships are not built on ‘instant connection’.
Look for ways to painlessly extend those friendships - coffee after working out, showing up at a local event they had mentioned they were planning to go to, mentioning you had checked out that episode of their favorite show and liked it.
Once you are good with making friends at the gym, extend that friendliness beyond - in shopping trips (always be cordial with the clerks), at the bank, with others at the office, neighbors. You don’t have to be in their hip pocket, but you need to have your Social Needs addressed in multiple places - it makes the interactions you haven’t yet managed (Romantic) less of a frenzied search, and more of a “if it happens, it happens”.
Along the way, you will find some potential dating partners - not in a “OMG, he is SO hot, but unavailable” way, but “This might work out, but if not, we could continue being friends” (by that last, I mean don’t rush into naked intimacy with him).